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We continue the second part of our episode with Aliza Bulow, whose son Dani, died by suicide. Due to his diagnosed extreme depression and bipolar, Dani’s constant mantra since the age of 5 was that he did not want to live or be alive. As a loving parent walking on tiptoes, Aliza was constantly petrified of the day Dani would take his own life. She shares with us the intimate thoughts only a mother could, with extreme respect, love and fear of her son’s wishes and the truth of how he didn’t want to kill himself, he just didn’t want to be alive.

Aliza discusses her inner torment and constant worry as well as the sad feelings of relief and unintentional strange comfort in the wake of his death,  that the worries of hearing a bump in the night are no longer a reason to leap out of bed and fully aware that she “didn’t give him permission but he got his wish”. She came to realize that he died of his illness, planning out his death and respectfully asking his mother her preferred method, as he respected her wishes.

This powerful episode opens the discussion of how not to be afraid to engage in hyper sensitive material. How to discuss suicide without giving permission but understanding the illness. It takes greatness and a healthy frame of mind to recognize that this was not her fault , she did nothing wrong, she was not a bad mother, they were simply nothing that she could do.

We also learn how parents can grow closer together despite having faced such a tragedy, and not also lose their marriage.


Topics Discussed:

❏ Living with a son with suicidal thoughts
❏ How to engage in conversations about suicide



“Two parts of comfort. One was for him. And one was for me, frankly.”– Aliza Bulow @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge

“There is the relief of the sufferings over for you to not see them suffering. But there is also the relief for me to not worry about it every day.” – Aliza Bulow @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge

“Hope is very exciting, it really is that, everything is going to be good. And if it’s not good, it’s not at the end.” – Aliza Bulow @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge

“There are people who are very depressed who are never suicidal. And there are people who are not depressed who are suicidal, and that there can be suicidal thoughts that can just be triggered sometimes by medications”- Aliza Bulow @MatanaJacobs #HopetoRecharge


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Suicide Hotlines:

USA: 1-800-273-8255
USA Crisis (Text): 741-741
Canada: 1-833-456-4566
United Kingdom: 116-123
Australia: 13-11-14
International Suicide Hotlines:


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