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Each week, a specific portion of the Bible is read in Synagogue’s around the world in sequence, and at year’s end, the process repeats itself for the following year. This week’s portion, פרשת מקץ, will forever be a pivotal moment in my journey to recovery. I have a tremendous amount of gratitude right now and I want to express it and share a moment with anyone that needs something to hold onto.
A moment of HOPE.
5 years ago I was living in Florida for the year. I was hoping that Florida weather would lift the remaining 20 to 30% of my depression. In the previous 4 years, I had come a long way in my recovery, but I still felt some kind of sadness and I thought the weather will help. I was doing everything correctly, but I felt only 70% to 80% right. We had moved to Boca and soon after arriving, my mental state declined down to the deepest moments of depression that I’d ever experienced. The dark was so very dark, but I still had the desire and dream of living a life of bliss and happiness. I started reading more books on lifting depression, but it just got worse and worse. I was reaching out to resources I had known in the past to see if anybody could help me.
One of those people that held my hand through the process was Rebecca Ness. She referred me to a energy practitioner/healer. She also gave me comfort and a listening ear.
FOREVER GRATEFUL.
The practitioner was Brian Weiss. I remember the conversation that we had on Friday morning, today, 5 years ago. I pleaded with him to start ASAP and remove some of my pain so that I could get through the weekend. It was dark, it was scary, it was lonely. I remember the words that he told me, “No one can heal you but yourself, with the help of God”. I was looking for something that would work fast and easy but there is no such thing. He explained to me over a 2 hour telephone conversation what true recovery looks like. The internal work that needs to get done, the clarity that we need to gain and the hope and desire to live and fight while we work towards gaining mental health back. I did not want to hear “no” for an answer of immediate relief of pain. He reassured me and gave me the strength to hold on and to believe in myself and God and the process.
פרשת מקץ was that turning point in my recovery. Brian explained, that in this week’s Bible portion, there is a dramatic storyline which spans a period of years in which things are initially hidden and not understood, but the masks get removed and clarity is revealed only after the story unfolds. The pain that had transpired over the duration of time was intentional, by design and needed for an extremely specific and important reason, but that reason was only revealed at a much later point in time, proving its importance. It was with this mindset that we began to work, starting the healing process immediately after Hanukkah. (the week after). The WORK WAS SO SO SO HARD! Many times a week.
Lots of forgiveness to myself and others.
Lots of understanding of who I am and self love and care.
Lots of letting go and moving forward to a better tomorrow.
AND LOTS OF GRATITUDE WORK.
I will forever be grateful to Brian Weiss for guiding me and believing in me through this process of healing and for always being there for me when I felt that I could not go on anymore. Having someone that encourages you to take another step and reassures you that it is possible, is one of the greatest gifts one can get in the Journey of recovery.
Rebecca Ness; you saw and felt my pain and you led me in the right DIRECTION, you gave me hope. You helped me find the right person to hold my hand through the process of healing. I’m forever grateful to you and to Brian AND to anyone and everyone that was a part of my support in my recovery.
Thank you to God for putting amazing people in my life to help me get to where I am now. I am forever grateful.
This weekend’s Bible portion is the “BIRTHDAY” of the new Matana. The “birth” was not easy AT ALL, and I experienced TRUE labor pains. Looking back, I can say one thing with certainty. It was worth going through my pain to get to where I am now, to have gotten my mental health stable and and thereby getting so much clarity of who I am and how I could be the best Matana I can be. I truly believe I am greater Matana for having gone through this journey.
I’m sharing this so that you can know that the journey to recovery can be difficult, but the results ARE worth it. Find the support you need IN ORDER TO find the best YOU.
DON’T GIVE UP ON HAVING A GREAT YOU.
SHABBAT SHALOM
REFUAH SHELAIMA
Lots of blessings
Hold on to hope!!!
P. S.
As I write this post, I realize an incredible thing.
Next week’s episode will be my second solo episode on my recovery and I speak about my healing journey with Brian – and I thank Rebecca in that episode :-).
I had recorded that episode a while back and coincidentally, it is due to be published this coming week. I DIDN’T KNOW THAT IT WOULD FALL EXACTLY ON THE WEEK OF מקץ, MY NEW BIRTHDAY.
So random and so unplanned. But was clearly planned from above. Wow wow wow. הכללל משמים!!!!!! ️ ️ ️ ️ ️
I AM GRATEFUL FOR THE GIFT OF HEALING AND LIFE.