As Purim approaches, a holiday we all love for its joy, celebration, and sense of community, I want to speak from the heart to all parents and teachers

Yesterday, I overheard a 16-year-old say, “Where can I find the best party to get the best alcohol and get smashed?”

My heart sank

Thank God, I don’t have a personal history with alcohol abuse, and I can’t speak for those who struggle with addiction because I never faced that challenge myself. But a close family member did, and it was incredibly painful and deeply impactful for me.

I’m choosing to ask “וּמִי יוֹדֵעַ אִם לְעֵת כָּזֹאת הִגַּעַתְּ לַמַּלְכוּת?”

I often say this not only during Purim time but anytime during challenging moments in life, not “why me,” but “maybe for this I was chosen.” My EFT practitioner would always say tap “I’m the chosen one” for anything that comes through my life. I see a lot of addiction and brokenness, and I’m choosing to speak up. I choose to see למלכות as connected to God and the path God gave us in life. Our personal journey doesn’t have to be to an actual kingdom but to the King and the journey itself.

Growing up, my parents are true and real role models. They gave us clear guidelines on how to relate to alcohol, teaching us balance, mindfulness, and respect. But when I left home as a teenager and saw that not every home was like ours, I was shaken. I realized how much I took for granted, that our home was so intentional in its role modeling. It became a moment of deep gratitude for me and a call to action

A few years ago, I saw a story on a Jewish chat with about 40,000 women that made an impact on me and stayed with me. A young mom of two little kids posted anonymously. She asked, with quiet curiosity, if it was normal that her husband came home an hour after shul drunk every weekend. She explained that she waited every Shabbat, hoping they could connect as a family, but he would sleep for hours, disconnected. The outpouring of compassion was overwhelming. A few hundred women responded, many saying they, too, faced this, some already in their 50s or 60s, carrying this pain for decades. It was a chat full of mothers longing to connect, and fathers arriving home intoxicated, sometimes with their children right there with them

We must do better. And we can do better.

This is not a one-time fix.

It’s a slow, gradual change we build together as a community. I’m sharing this not as someone with all the answers, but as someone who is searching, someone who knows that Purim doesn’t create addiction, but it can be an opening if we’re not mindful. If it’s not taught properly, it can become a doorway to escape instead of a bridge to the miracles of Purim. It is also so dangerous to use alcohol as a spiritual gateway to elevate מצוות, thinking intoxication can shortcut the work of inner growth or mitzvah fulfillment

I want to share one of my proudest moments.

My 18-year-old son is in Yeshiva Mevaseret in Israel for his gap year and he sent me a 45-minute class from one of his rabbis. The rabbi spoke so powerfully about the dangers of misusing alcohol, about how we can be true servants of God, and the risk of using alcohol as a shortcut to escape. His words inspired me to finally speak out on this topic. They gave me internal grit that I’ve been holding back for many years and reminded me why it’s so important to address these issues openly. It was one of the most amazing classes I’ve ever heard, and I’m so grateful my son is in a yeshiva that focuses on strong foundations and core Jewish values

If anyone has a family member struggling with addiction, I am sending you so many hugs. Purim must be a painful and hard holiday to get through, and I want you to know that I see you

So let’s talk about role modeling. Let’s be consistent. Let’s make sure our kids see us engaging with alcohol thoughtfully, never as a shortcut to spirituality, but as a part of balance. And let’s build a culture where we have open, honest conversations, not just once, but every day.

I don’t have all the answers, but I’m so eager to hear your thoughts and your experiences.

What else can we do?

Thank you for being part of this conversation